Fear.

Fear. This word truly struck me today. First time in my life. I'm struck by the fear of reality this evening 1700Hrs.

Many people used to ask me,if i feared anything or afraid of anything. My answer was always a consistent "No.". Of course i'm not talking about are you afraid of ghost(s)/paranormal situations. But more towards, are you afraid of what you might be facing in future. This has never crossed my mind that fearing of the future would be something that would be able to have be dumbfounded for a minute or so.

Today, fear struck me as time comes increasingly nearer then expected. My plan for the next 1 yr 8 mths might have to be super compressed into 2-4 months. I have no idea even if i fast forward a video clip on a computer, would it be able to playback that fast.

I'd be honest, and say I've really taken almost everything for granted till just. And most importantly, I've taken Time, for granted. I can never forgive myself for the over-sight importance of time.

There is so many I should, i can think of now.
EG.
1) I should have applied for studying part time earlier.
2) I should have constantly upgraded myself in life skills
3) I should not have wasted so much money and time on games.
4) I should have loved my honey so much more
5) I should have not wasted time spent at night watching TV programs
6) I should have not wasted money on those fanciful things.
7) ...............................
.
.
.
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and the list goes on. This is the first time I'm feeling remorseful for myself. And its terrible. I must agree that Singapore as a country is too much of a motherly place for anyone. Let them out and free those wings that what almost every Singaporean wants; and you will see them return with a crippled wing.
I have been blinded by the motherly way Singapore has been run. Till that i never really realized the importance of time.

I guess for now, I shall head on with what i can figure out the best. To bid my time till August 2010 is here. Doing everything with near perfection, considering what other better options i have till the day i find that i can stand up again. Else, i will only be another walking zombie, till the day of no tomorrow.

Please give me all the support, all the aid i need, whoever is above and around me. I need not only courage but also divine intervention to get the best scenario of now.